Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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