I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
