My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
