It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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