No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize