you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize