For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
