you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
