I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
