do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
