Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is an emotional support booty call
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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