I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
