I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
