Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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