I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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