She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
