so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
