Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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