OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
