plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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