I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
