sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
