Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
