About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
