Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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