he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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