His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
