i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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