Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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