he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Come share oat with me in your robe
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh god it's open bar.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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