Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
