I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
