she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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