You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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