I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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