Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
