Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
