I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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