Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
