Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
