Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
