please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
a search helicopter?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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