i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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