i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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