She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
