Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
