he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
