I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
