I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
