Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
