This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
