why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
