Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
