I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize