Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
