Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
