You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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