I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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