There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
