Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
