There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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