I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
