Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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