So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
