Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
