Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
