oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
