When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
