I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
