I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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