You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Still dying that you shit outside
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
