3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
