my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
