; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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