New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
