ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
