I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
