Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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