Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
