Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
