At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
