I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
