well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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