she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
