it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize