When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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