good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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