Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
