I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
