When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
