is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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