Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
