Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
