would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
