I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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