Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize