Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
