i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
