Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize