Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize