first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
