I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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