Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
