currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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