I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
